HMAS Les
G’day.
A
few things have happened since I last logged on. I was on the spot when
a scuba diver drowned at Bondi. I got some photos with my $20 disposable
camera and my name in the paper.
I got a custom made surfboard and it doesn’t float with me on it because I’m too *%$#! fat. My giant sized boogie board doesn’t float with me on it either because I’m too *%$#! fat.
So now I just sit in the sun, go snorkel sucking and read a book. At the moment, I’m reading The Messianic Legacy. I haven’t finished it, but this team seem to think Jesus Christ had a twin brother and that his other brother was Pontious Pilate. It’s a funny one.
But the big news is that we launched the boat: the Les Norton.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon at the Avoca Surf Club. I didn’t think it would be any big deal. Say hello, crack a bottle of champagne over the bow, put it in the water and that’s it.
So
I drove down to North Avoca and walked along the beach. When I got to
the surf club, there were hundreds of people there, including club members
going back to 1930. The boat crew were all wearing their Team Norton gear,
the women were in dresses, the men were in their club blazers and ties.
The boat was up on a ramp, there were rows of seats out the front, a buffet
dinner and beverages were layed on, the press were there . The press was
there – it was the full-on gala occasion. And I lobbed up in a pair of
shorts and a T-shirt! I didn’t even have a pair of shoes on.
So I said hello and plonked my fat arse in the front row with my camera, and before long it was time for the off. The club secretary made a speech and thanked me. Other people made speeches. Older members were recognised and given plaques and things. Then it was time for me to give my speech.
First thing I did was apologise for turning up like I was there to empty the Otto Bins. Then I waffled away as best I could. I did mention a couple of ironic things, however. Firstly, it wasn’t that long ago that I was on the dole, cleaning toilets at the old Florida Hotel and in gaol cutting out parking fines. Now I’m donating surf boats. The other irony was that the Picketts were the founding members of the Avoca Surf Club. My great-great-great grandfather, Richard Bigmore Barrett the remittance man, married a Pickett girl in 1859. Here father had a convict grant of 300 acres at Empire Bay. We was kin. This went over a treat with the crowd, so we pulled out our banjos and did a bit of pickin’.
My wind was up to the boat crew. I said "Train hard and get fit" because part of the deal was that they would take me water skiing every Saturday afternoon. This went over big with the crowd too, although the boat crew didn’t see the funny side of it.
Then
I broke a bottle of champagne over the bow and they were off. I went out
in the rubber ducky to take some photos – doesn’t the boat look the grouse?
Sensational. The boat crew invited me along for a paddle. I said "Sure,
I’ll sit up in the stern." But they said "No Bob, you can row."
So I jumped behind an oar and, believe it or not, I didn’t do too bad.
I only crabbed the oar a couple of times. Four times.
After that tremendous effort, it was nibbles and drinks. I had a yarn to various members of the club, then left. If Avoca Surf Club got a kick out of getting a new surf boat, I got a bigger one: the smiles on their faces and their appreciation. I was walking on sunshine all the way home.
Since then, the Les Norton has won three out of four races. They’re a mighty crew.
So if you’re up Avoca way, say hello to the members – they’re all one of your own. And get a photo taken next to the Les Norton.
March 2000