Timor troops
For almost three years now, the people in charge of my website at HarperCollins have been asking me – begging me – to update the site. 'It's getting stale,' one said. 'It stinks on ice,' said another. I thought I'd only just put it up there. When you're a bone idle, slack, lazy bastard and you go into your 'between books ennui', time absolutely flies.
So, with the help of a local tomato farmer's tractor, I finally got my finger out of my date and have written a bit about what's been going on in the life of Robert G. Barrett, famous awther.
At the moment, I am a very proud and rather chuffed Aussie.
Whenever the Australian troops are serving overseas, I always send them a box of my books. I've got a big following in the armed forces, which I think is great, and I always do my best to repay the favour somehow.
At the moment, our men and women are serving in East Timor. Like all the folks back home, I think they're doing a fantastic job under extremely difficult circumstances: heat, humidity, flies, mozzies, malaria, dengue fever, lousy conditions in general – not to mention getting shot at by a bunch of morons.
So, naturally I sent a box of my books – about 80 or so – over to East Timor, each one signed and wishing the troops all the best. I even sent them care of Major General Cosgrove and I put a special one in for him. As a favour, I asked him if he'd mind getting a photo of some soldiers reading my books so that I could put it up on the wall in my den.
Before long, the Possum Lady and I started getting letters from the troops, ordering T-shirts and such and asking if there was any chance of a few books as they've nothing much to read up there! This went on for a while and me and the Possum Lady got to thinking that the books had done a runner and it was time to call in the MP's or INTERPOL.
Then
this fantastic letter arrives in the mail from Major General Cosgrove,
thanking me on behalf of all the troops for the books. Then a day or two
later I get a photo of the great man himself, sitting at his desk, reading
a copy of You Wouldn't Be Dead for Quids. I immediately raced off
and got them both framed and told everyone I met about them. All the people
I showed it to were just as proud as I was.
If this sounds like I'm beating my own drum a bit, I'm sorry but it just can't be helped. I'm proud of our armed forces and I'm rapt that I was able to do some small thing to show them that Australia cares about them.
And if any of the men and women serving in East Timor happen to read this, my very best to each and every one of you. You're doing a fantastic job. And if you want any T-shirts or that, I'll make sure the Possum Lady looks after you and we'll throw in a copy of You Wouldn't Be Dead for Quids with each parcel.
Anyway, that's enough of putting wraps on myself. I'll be updating my website more often from now on – next month I'll give you a few insight's into the lifestyle of a famous awther. So, look after yourselves out there in cyberspace. Thanks for logging on and I'll see you next time.
Robert G. Barrett.
February 2000