There are four of my closest friends came up to see me. Roy, Phil, Jack, Tony, then myself. I was stoked. We all joked about who will be the last man standing. I don’t think it’ll be me. But Phil had liver cancer and beat it. Now he wins swimming races in his age group.

This is me Lisa and Lisa’s intended husband Orville. Orville belongs to a rather large group of jolly chaps, all interested in motor bikes: big, noisy Harley Davidsons. At present Orville is enjoying a short holiday courtesy of her majesty and I’m keeping an eye on Lisa while Lisa looks after me; she’s a trained nurse. It’s a great set up and Orville is happy as a clam.

Here it finally is. The X-250 Stealth attack helicopter packed will fully armed, crack, Australian soldiers. How would you like this landing in your back yard? Death from above you lousy, insurgent sons of bitches. Eat lead, you stinken, goddam, towel head terrorists mother f…ers, Hit, I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away there. I thought I was talking about the Untied States Airborne.

This is me leaving Gosford Private Hospital with my new catheter. It’s really uncomfortable when I wear it down the beach under my budgie smugglers. But you can attach a small reel to it and catch the off whiting or flathead. And if you hang a wire from it you can pick up short wave radio

1. This is the Rainbow Serpent flag a young, and very talented indigenous bloke sent me from Armidale. I reckon this is the best idea year yet, if they ever decide to take the Union Jack out of the Australian Flag. It doesn’t only look good. Going back to the dreamtime. Australia was always called Gonwanda Land. Land of the Rainbow Serpent. And I reckon Australia, land of the rainbow serpent, shits on America. Land of the free and home of the brave. Or Japan. Land of the rising sun.

These are two more of those savage bastards that hang around my sundeck. Things are bad enough as it is and they’re eating me out of house and home.